Dear Beaverdale Dahl’s Management Team:
Yesterday evening at approximately 8:00pm I had an unfortunate experience at your store that I’d like to share with you. I stopped by your neighborhood store to pick up a few dinner essentials and other items on my grocery list for the upcoming week. While I checked out, the young woman (approximately high school or college aged) at the register, in an innocent attempt to make small talk I am sure, asked me “What’s the story with all the cookies?” I had purchased three bags of ready-to-mix cookie dough along with my other items so the question itself was not entirely out of left field. After I shared with her that I was buying the mixes for an upcoming family reunion to help make the cookie making process a bit easier, she replied “Oh, is that because you’re fat?”
It is probably helpful for the background of this story to share with you that I am eight and a half months pregnant. I am not now, nor have I ever been, an obese woman and I have never been called “fat” (aside from one ill-feeling ex-boyfriend in college, but that’s neither here nor there). I have gained less than 20 pounds so far with this pregnancy, which is my first, and I began as a size 8 so although these days I might feel at times that my stomach sticks out into another zip code, I was understandably a bit taken aback by this question. The woman must have noticed my discomfort and quite frankly stunned reaction to her question because she quickly attempted to cover it up by sharing “My friend is eight months pregnant and that’s always what I call her. She has gotten so large every time I see her I tell her she is getting so fat. You know, as a joke.” I tried to cover my lingering shock from her initial question with a half smile and lamely mumbled something about just trying to make life as easy as possible these days with pre-mixed dough and left the store. I wish I would have taken the opportunity at that time to turn the exchange into a teachable moment right then and there, but I honestly just didn’t know quite what to say at the time and to be perfectly honest that doesn’t happen very often.
Given some thought, this is what I wish I would have shared with the young woman at the checkout counter: I am a thirty year old, happily married woman. My husband and I have intentionally waited five years into our marriage before making the conscious decision to conceive a child. We feel blessed each and every day that a power greater than the two of us has deemed us worthy to bring another human being into this world and I can only hope that we are up to the challenge of raising a contributing citizen of this world. I don’t need a code word, and certainly not the word “fat”, to describe my pregnant state. I am proud of my pregnant belly, proud of my family’s decision, and proud of the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy. I don’t know who your friend is or what the circumstances are surrounding her pregnancy, but I can’t help but think that anyone eight months pregnant would rather have your love and support and concern than your off-putting jokes or ill-timed humor. Calling someone fat, even the skinniest woman in the room, isn’t appropriate. Joking about calling someone fat doesn’t make it better. You never know what the circumstances are behind someone’s appearance. A woman who is size 0 may be suffering from a medical problem or psychological disorder that prevents her from gaining weight. As a fellow female, I shouldn’t have to tell you that you don’t need to point out someone’s weight for them, even in jest. We females are all too aware already what size we are and how it compares to everyone else in the room, and if we aren’t we merely have to turn to the nearest checkout counter magazine rack to take notice. I appreciate your attempt at small talk, but unfortunately this wasn’t the appropriate conversation or word choice to have with a customer. Next time, I would encourage you to stick with safe topics like the weather or just a simple ‘hello, how are you?’ would be fine, too. “Fat” is not an appropriate word for any conversation.
As I mentioned, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind after this exchange and unfortunately “teachable moments” were the furthest thing from my mind as I left the store. But I am sharing this story with you now not in hopes that you will reprimand this woman but that you will turn this exchange into a learning opportunity for your staff. I know that you take pride in the friendly, neighborhood environment at your store and up until this point I have always had jovial exchanges with the check out staff. However, I would hope that part of your staff development and training emphasizes the importance of appropriate conversation level topics just as much as it emphasizes the value of connecting with the customer. Unfortunately, this is one customer that you won’t be able to connect with again for a long while.
Sincerely,
Brandy Cunningham
